I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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