Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Randomize
