ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
