you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
