i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Sext me about skeletons
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
