I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
