I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
