So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
