My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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