Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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