Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
