got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
