I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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