mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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