So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
