At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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