At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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