Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
