turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
