The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
