At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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