does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize