She is in my trunk
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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