we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
