ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
