I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
