nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
