He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
