I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
