Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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