It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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