She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
