We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
