I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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