At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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