just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
a search helicopter?!
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
