How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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