Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
