My liver just broke up with me...
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
