I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
