Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
