Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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