Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
