Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
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