Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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