No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
