I look better un-naked...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
