Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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