drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
