i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Randomize
