I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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