I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
